EXPERIENCES
We tend to the negative side with our focus, and with ignorance with respect to the positive side
We don't prioritize our positive feelings. Structuring time and allowing for positive influence such that the negative continues to take over and swamp our attention and drives the agenda
We catch ourselves coaching on adversity and the struggles in life and not propelling the positive (e.g. we do not teaching how to eat ice cream, instead we teach how to avoid poison)
We think - The joys of life tend to just take care of themselves
We think - The absence of pain and suffering will guarantee the findings of joy
This not the case - Just because we are not “down” does not mean that we are “up”.
The "default" feeling is not the absence of suffering. We need to remember that it is also the absence of happiness.
The capacity to cope with struggle must be coupled with the capacity to experience joy
(e.g. We cut short a given experience, because we want the pain to go away, but we inadvertently do the same with joy. We want the struggles to vanish - We want to get past them)
“Negative Affectivity” prevents us from feeling joy in the moment. “Killjoy thoughts” (e.g. that you don't deserve this, that it's going to take too much time, “shoulda…, woulda…coulda”) short-circuit the potential enjoyment. They can become automatic scripting that we play in our heads in response to positive events
Even the act of monitoring for one’s enjoyment can take away from the process of fulfillment. “Am I happy yet? Am I still happy am I?” - Succeeding takes away from the positive stimulus
The preferred is a dance back and forth between both the positive and the negative and experiences.
TEAMS
Teams are better at solving problems. They also jump into help out a team member when necessary to spread things out of equal involvement. In teams, conversation is not dominated and the work being done is not dominated, There is equal involvement and collaboration within groups. This is the social perceptiveness of the team.
Withdrawing and a lack of willingness to expose mistakes inhibit the social awareness and cuts-off possibilities for better performance.
The social awareness is what the team members together all know, and the awareness of what the other team members know. - the understanding of where to find the intelligence.
The (e.g. Who is good at what? Where or who has the needed information?) is the transactive memory of a teammate. Learning how to do this together is very important is present in the early stages of team development (forming, storming, norming, performing, adjourning). Not only each member, but the team as a whole learns how to develop these traits as a team.
Changing team members frequently can get in the way of coming up with these and learning processes
Collective intelligence is the learning for the sum of its parts. Team effectiveness is knowing the sum of its own parts
Individuals feel the need for autonomy meaning control to some degree about their surroundings. In a true team environment we give up that autonomy and place trust in others. (e.g. Perhaps I know exactly how to accomplish the job, but someone else can get it done in half the time and my skills are better spent elsewhere.)
The human impulse is to push back on change in the dynamic.. instinctively believing the change is not a good thing
Sometimes people think adding more team members or more fuel to the team is what's needed
The solution is to take away frictions - To make the team more streamlined to rapidly maneuver through frictions
As the influencer, I create teams of co-design of co-ownership. Take the example of reading a message on your own, or having a message read out loud to you by a salesperson. People are not as influenced by facts and evidence provided to them - as they are influenced by the ideas and innovation they generate on their own
Ideas are like kids - if you have them. Those who do usually love their own more than other kids
Through co-design and co-ownership people commit themselves to their own ideas
If you want to go about change, you must allow those who are being changed to feel like they are the authors of change. I help to create the conditions for self-persuasion
1) Starting conversations at the point of alignment rather than the point of conflict:
We might know that we need to desperately need to change practices, but the “How we go about doing so” is where the ideas are different. The strategy is this:
Tackle misalignment by first establishing alignment.
What is the problem?
Where does the agreement take place?
Discover this and then work towards alignment.
2) stop telling each other what to think, rather ask them to contemplate the idea.
One of the best ways to do that is to ask others if they are open to a different perspective or point of view instead of just jumping right in and telling them
3) Removing the negative bias. In a relationship, you can always add more fuel - of the good things,
The best approach is to remove the bad things. People dwell on the bad things, not the good things
